Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
