Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
