hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
