I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Naked Twister starts at high noon
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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