i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
It's never too late to be topless.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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