i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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