She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
