That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Dear god my vagina.
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