but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Randomize
