I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
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