my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Randomize
