found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
