just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
