I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
