Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
