I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
