he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
