I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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