If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
