I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
