It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
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