Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Is it penis luge time yet?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
