He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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