but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
