I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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