Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
