well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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