yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
