Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I pour the whiskey from now on
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
