He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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