Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Randomize
