Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
