This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
