the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
