If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
