i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I am mentally ready for anal.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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