I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
