apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
