You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
