I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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