what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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