what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
