I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
