Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
