there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
