im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I understand Curling. That high.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
