so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
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