there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
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