dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
