Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
