My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
